New continent, new city, new adventures…or so I hope. Honestly though I have no idea what to expect. I have an image in my head I suppose but I know the moment I step off the plane (or some time around then) that image will probably be shattered.
This is going to be my second move across countries (that I remember well), 4th home and my 5th school. I was born and raised in Washington state and then when I was 8 I moved across the world to Switzerland. Definitely a big change. I had a pretty good mind set about it though, excited rather than too sad. Maybe it was because I didn’t full understand what it would mean. My sister on the other hand, burst into tears upon finding out. Now she’s moving to England for university and my family and I are heading to the East Coast.
This move though unlike the other, was about 50% my choice. Again at the start of this all (about 8 months ago) I felt sure I was ready to move on. I thought I expunged all major possibilities and learning experiences I could have here and going back to America would be just what I needed to learn and grow some more. All sounds pretty mature I guess. Now, not so much. Now, I’m a mess of feelings that can’t get to sleep but instead keeps getting knocked off balance with waves of sadness and nostalgia.
My years in Switzerland have taught me more than i ever could have imagined. Which is partly why I hesitate in imagining too much for my future. I’m definitely glad that I had this opportunity yet it does sadden me to think of all the friendships I lost over the seas and the life I had back then, a rather idyllic one.
Now I guess the factor which is tormenting me the most with doubt is my new school. By the time I graduate I will have been through pretty much the full spectrum of schools. From homeschooled, to school in a foreign language, to school for kids with learning disabilities, to international private school and now…to public American high school. Wow I feel like there almost some stigma with that. I don’t know if it’s different where you are but over here we hear so many stories about the crazy schools over there. Now i guess it’s my turn to see if it’s true. I would be lying if I said I feel ready for this. In fact I feel quite the opposite. Terrified out of my mind. I have found such an amazing group of friends and teachers here at my current school and i can’t help but wonder if I’m making one of the biggest mistakes possibly by uprooting it to chase some crazy sunset. There are certainly some things I’m looking forward too as well, but as our date for leaving becomes ever more impending the negative seems to keep getting pushed into centre attention.
What if no one likes me? What if I can’t keep up with everything? What if I hate the city? What if…?
I suppose this is all to be expected, I mean a hormonal teenage girl totally changing her life is probably something that is going to end up being pretty dramatic. I still can’t really believe it’s actually happening I guess. As I start doing all my lasts and visiting all these places with so many memories attached to them for the last time I’m starting to lose a grip of my positive attitude i think.
Oh well, in the end I think i might just be able to get through this.